Question:
anger control
3 + 10 ANGER CONTROL STRATEGY.
A very effective strategy for helping kids to calm down is called "3 + 10." You might want to print the formula on large pieces of paper and hang them all around your house. Then tell the child how to use the formula: "As soon as you feel your body sending you a warning sign that says you're losing control, do two things.
First, take 3 deep slow breaths from your tummy." (Model this with your child. Show her how to take a deep breath then tell her to pretend she's riding an escalator. Start at the bottom step and as you take the breath, ride up the escalator slowly. Hold it! Now ride slowly down the escalator releasing your breath steadily at the same time). "That's 3.
Now count slowly to ten inside your head. That's 10. Put them all together, it's 3 + 10 and it helps you calm down."
ANGER WARNING SIGNS
Explain to your child that we all have little signs that warn us when we're getting angry. We should listen to them because they can help us stay out of trouble.
Next, help your child recognize what specific warning signs she may have that tells her she's starting to get upset such as, "I talk louder, my cheeks get flushed, I clench my fists, my heart pounds, my mouth gets dry and I breathe faster."
Once she's aware of them, start pointing them out to her whenever she first starts to get frustrated. "Looks like you're starting to get out of control." or "Your hands are in a fist now. Do you feel yourself starting to get angry?"
The more we help kids recognize those early angry warning signs when their anger is first triggered, the better they will be able to calm themselves down. It's also the time when anger management strategies are most effective. Anger escalates very quickly, and waiting until a child is already in "melt down" to try to get her back into control is usually too late.
TIME OUT FOR PARENTS
There are times all parents find themselves frustrated or angry. We are all human, after all! Turn these moments into a lesson for the entire family. Take a walk! Together (if you're up to it) or alone, a walk gives you a chance to think through your feelings and consider the consequences of the choices you have to make. Your kids will learn how to manage their own anger as well. Clearing your head before addressing the problem is modeling appropriate behavior as well! I often take a walk with someone when I have something to talk about with them. Being alone together and walking makes it easier to talk to them. I don't know what it is, maybe because it's a captive audience or maybe because you are only paying attention to them and they feel important. Whatever it is, it works!
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