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Ask, "What's wrong?" let your children know their feelings are important. Work problems out together. Giving them a number of ideas on how to work out a problem in their lives to choose from, will help them think through to the results of their choices. In addition, when the result may be somewhat less than desired, allow them to make the wrong choice and live through the consequences occasionally (depending on the severity of the problem). For example, if their favorite jeans are not in the hamper on laundry day, don't go looking for them… They may have to wait until the next laundry day to wear them.